This is all from a not so good time for me mentally. Why dig for nothing?
"I'm commiserating because i'm broken and i wan't to cry; i produced my memories because you tempted me to feel restless."
sitting here, alone with my thoughts, nothing. nobody. im sad, and i have nothing that i could do about it. im, empty. it just feels like all of this is nothing. 1/22/24
im scared, lonely, and sad. i dont have anyone to talk to about anything and anytime i do i feel bad making yall listen to me complain... thats why i made NVWE/RNWD, so i wouldnt feel like i was putting so much on yall. but then yall started reading it frequently. digging into my thoughts. every last thing i do seems analyzed, observed. and i cant even do anything about it, or about anything.
I dont like seeing yall argue... although "sawl" was being kinda annoying... but yall didn't have to entirely get rid of him.. i understand from TURS, but... nevermind.
i feel so fucking wild i drank ~300 mg of caffeine instead of the recomended 100 mg - 1/16/24
EVERYTIME I DO FUCKING ANYTHING ON DISCORD IT KILLS MY FUCKING MIC AND DECIDES TO LAG LIKE SHIT FOR NO GODDAMN REASON - 1/15/24.
"my oldest friend, There's a reason why i came here, for now i can stand on my own and enjoy things i've only ever heard about. I wanted to see you one last time, That face i remember from all those years ago. That little boy who now sits in front of me like he always did back then, now after a full life. All those nights and early mornings. We would play for hours and i felt well.. I felt like no matter what we had each other. I know your memories are going from you now but.. thanks to the memory chips you bought me, both slots A and B, I remember everything.. This is what the stars looked like when you were born. This is what the prime minister looked like. this is what love looked like, and pain and excitement, This your mother. this is where the two of you bought me, This is what the stars look like tonight, ..on this final goodbye, old friend. And though I'll feel fear when you're gone. The hands that held mine as i entered this world.. I'll remember it all, and every time i look up at the stars I'll think of you. and I'll wave, and if you see me.. maybe you can wave back"
Im so tired of all these people and how thye act. people being homo phobic, racist, and other daily things involving general
paranoia. being, so paranoid. Im sad that most the people i know are mostly racist homophobic morons. i can barely express myself during school. I feel more mature than these people while most of them are older. i don't know what to do. - 1/11/24
tired, tired, tired. all i've it's been recently. I can't do anything either. but hey, im not dead, so thats good i guess. I need "comforting" [lack of a better word ig] - 1/10/24
Ive been journaling in a small memo book i have gotten from a local walmart. it seems to help me "vent" about people - 1/9/24
oh, how these experiences have come and gone, people, in the same manner. the time passing this quickly feels weird, yet *comforting,* i don't know why. [unrelated but i just *REALLY* wan't to wear a shock collar (^///^)] - 1/8/24
Decay, exhaustion, emptiness. I need an escape, all this is too much for me to handle, i can't take it anyomre. i need a break, just a few days, but a break. i can't stand some of you people [you know who you are] just please, [people listed a second ago,] know of my exsistance, dont forget thou... please. - 1/5/24
Days have passed, and still no sign of, well, anything. although things have been happening left and right, well, i guess i cant control my fate. "Drive my corpse like a fucking mazda, or belittle me until suffering," - 1/5/24
All bucket does is scream and say "smash" to every FUCKING SEXUALIZED CHARACTER HE SEES [and tries to draw "porn," although, he is only peaking interest in like 2 people, ALWAYS makes us listen to whatever FUCKING SHIT GAME HE IS PLAYING, AND tries to push his FUCKING MORONIC COMIC THAT NO ONE CARES TO READ, Vanilla says the same fucking 2 phrases over and over like a fucking '90s action figure, Audrey only says FUCKING, SUICIDAL, JOKES. Like, "byee, im gonna go *KILL* myself, /j its just a joke and its the ONLY ATTEMP AT COMEDY I HEAR FROM THE WOMAN. Then sawl, all he does is post the same 5 images that all relate to the 1 hyperfixation bro has, And i know, this is just a problem that only *i* probably deal with, but i still find it annoying. - 1/4/24
I feel, weird. Somethings off. - 1/3/24
i feel useless, i feel ignored, i have no clue if these people even care abut me, or if they care about what i say. - 1/2/2024
here's to the new year! things havent gotten better, but hey, im happier not i guess! anemoia.- 1/1/24
uhh.. happy new year! |if anyone even sees this >~<| another year survived, i have no clue about the next, lets just hope its better..! and pray that I don't die, - 12/31/23
Its almost 2024, and im sadder than ever! These "people" don't seem very "friendly," but i mean, its better than nothing! there's also this feeling ive had, almost annoyance, almost sorrow, I cant tell why though.- 12/30/2023
Why does musescore make me PAY to download/print sheet music? like, the musescore team doesn't make half the scores on the site! They also want me to get the app so "Things will load better" and "you will have a better experience" When IT CANT LOAD HALF THE SCORES BECAUSE OF THE FORMAT! - The tides have fallen. - 12/28/23